"Welcome to Holland"

[caliente_uk]

I find it very difficult to describe how I feel about having a child with a disability.  "Welcome to Holland" was given to me not long after my daughter was born.  It says it all.

“Welcome to Holland”

By C. McQueen

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this ...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip … to Italy. You can buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  Its all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes and says "Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a new language and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned".

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

 

 

Comments

[lurker-jo.livejournal.com]

This is *such* a cool description! May I send it to my sister? Barb and I have a sister whose dau had to have part of her brain removed at 7 mos, and as a result, she has disabilities. She's ten now [I think]. Rowdy kid, too. *g*

You know, now I think about it, her mother has always been the most stubborn of us four... Barba *not* excepted. *g* I think perhaps God knew she would need that. And she was always my sparring partner -- in fact, we joked that our theme song was "We are the Champions": "...and we'll keep on fighting, till the end." ;)

She has used that stubbornness to make sure her daughter gets what she needs from ..the school system, the Air Force [her hubby is retired from the AF], the government, etc.

I just had an awesome thought... did God plan for us to hone our skills on each other, so we could be strong for our loved ones? *shivers* And here I thought we were just too close in age!

So, where did you get your toughness? I can see you've got it... that steady determination. Quite able to take care of yourself, and you want to take care of everyone else... :)

{{{{Cal}}}}

[marsterslady.livejournal.com]

That was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing it.

*hug*

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

*hugs*

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

Of course you can send it to your sister. It really is the perfect description. :)

Barba told me about your sister and her daughter. My heart goes out to them. I know the feeling of having to fight the school system. I've spent years making sure that my daughter gets the education she's entitled to.

I'm very stubborn...especially where my kids are concerned. ;)

{{{Jo}}}

[cdn-tvaddict.livejournal.com]

A very beautiful comparison. But I bet it's a whole world harder than it sounds there. {{{Cal}}}

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

It is hard, yes. But K is worth every minute of it. *hugs to you*

[barbalurina.livejournal.com]

Sorry I didn't get here last night! That's so beautiful, Cal. Debbie (Jo's and my sister) will probably very much appreciate that sentiment. Thanks for putting that up there!

{{{Cal}}} *kiss*

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

It really is beautiful, isn't it? When I first read it, it just made perfect sense to me. I hope it comes to mean as much to Debbie as it does to me.

{{{Barba}}}

[raelee.livejournal.com]

That's an amazing simple way to explain it. It really helps me understand what you feel. *hugs*

I know this won't help but, for the record, I had a *lovely* time in Holland while I spent all my time in Italy puking my guts up. ;)

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

It is beautiful, isn't it? It explains how I feel very well. *hugs*

I had a *lovely* time in Holland while I spent all my time in Italy puking my guts up. ;)

LOL! That says it all. ;)

Actually, thinking about it, I've experienced both. I have my son, who's sixteen...he would be Italy and my daughter...who would be Holland. So you could say I'm very lucky. Not everyone gets to visit both countries. :D

[the-royal-anna.livejournal.com]

I followed a link after reading a comment you made on a post earlier (hee, this is taking on a "house that jack built" quality), and - inadequate as it may be - just wanted to thank you so much for posting both.

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for friending me so that I am able to read this poem. I'm going to friend you back, if that's okay.

Rachel

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome! My only hope is that it was able to help db2305 and her friends. :)

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

Of course it's okay to friend me back! :) I hope you find the poem as helpful and moving as I did. *hugs*